The Winner's Lap
by notthetype
Summary: Missing scene from 'Half and Half'. The crews of the two winning teams have to fulfill the challenge of streaking across the lawn outside the mess hall. Kirk's POV.


**A/N: OK so this is pure fluff; nonsense, really. It won't make any sense out of context, so I'm not even going to try and explain. If you're interested, read my story 'Half and Half', it'll all come together then. It's probably not even proper M, just some smutty talk, but hey, better safe than sorry. I only had three requests for this, and very few reviews for my last chapter, but then again, if only one person had asked me, I would still have put it up. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters.**

Well, he never thought he'd have to do this a second time. But then again, maybe this just is what you get for being the best damn pilot in Starfleet. At least this time they had two chicks with them; one of them volunteering…that was kind of new. And not to be a pig or anything, but they were both hot… and kinda green, so….cool.

Bones was still japping on about responsibility and how as a repeat offence, Starfleet would probably not overlook this thing a second time, when they arrived at their meeting point, just outside the linguistics department. P'Grell and his two guys, Augner the pilot and Harman his navigator, were already there, as was Gaila.

_Mmmmmmmm, Gaila._

Wonderful memories of bouncing green tits with black nipples going up and down, up and down, right in front of his face, were running through his mind. As if she had read his mind she squeezed herself up against him and breathed a soft "Hi, Jim." by his cheek, then licked the rim of his ear with that wicked pink tongue of hers.

He took in a sharp breath; this girl was going to give him a hard time, quite literally. To distract himself he scanned the group,… still two missing:

"Where are Eya and Chekov?." He briefly contemplated the possible colour of Newman's nipples, before catching himself.

_Friends, remember? _

P'Grell shrugged: "No idea."

The guy's voice always freaked him out. Sheesh, he was one massive blue lump of lean muscle, but he talked like girl.... and worst of all, Gaila had told him P'Grell had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. He wasn't particularly looking forward to _that_ comparison in a few minutes.

"And quite beyond that, it is a type of sexual objectification." A rather shrill but familiar voice carried from across the little square to their right. Eya, Chekov and a wildly gesticulating Uhura were making their way towards them. Apparently, Uhura had decided to play Bones for Eya, and was attempting to talk her out of the whole thing. Not that either her or Chekov looked in any way keen. Actually, she looked nervous as hell, and he just looked nauseous with fear.

Stepping up to their little group, Eya gave them all a wave, then remarked to Uhura: "You don't have to tell me all this. It's a type of humiliation, remember? I get it."

"I just think you should consider the other women in Starfleet, not to mention the fact that if both girls involved in this are Orion, well… what will that say about cultural stereotypes?" She'd gotten to her with that. Kirk groaned inwardly, you just don't piss

Eya off. It was a blessing that the girl had a sunny disposition in general, 'cause, man, that temper could be viscous.

"Firstly," she placed her hands on her hips and shifted her weight to one side,

_Here we go._

"yes, it has occurred to me that people will come to wrong conclusions. Fuck, if I could change anything about that, I would have done so a long time ago. They can think we are having a public orgy for all I care, 'cause let's face it, we have no control over people's prejudices or misconceptions, I learned that a long time ago.

And secondly: Holy shit, Noyota, this is going to be mortifying enough without you placing the honour of every female Starfleet cadet on our shoulders. It was all blokes last year; you could at least look at it as a more inclusive activity. A more gender balanced streaking, if you like."

The odd mix of foul language and genius-induced eloquence still fascinated Jim. Uhura – or rather Noyota, mmm, interesting – looked like she had been put in her place.

"They'll punish you this time." She could not help but add.

Eya just shrugged. She had this odd ability of making a stupid student prank seem like a heroic deed. The way she stood there, arms folded, shielding Chekov a little behind her, as if she could keep him from this whole mess.

And here he'd been, looking at the whole thing like a bit of fun.

"Great job ruining this, Eya." He couldn't help but remark.

"Huh?" she looked understandably confused.

He just shook his head and began his little cheer-me-up mantra:

_black nipples, black nipples, black nipples…._

Feeling a little better, he clapped his hands together and announced:

"Right then, let's get this show on the road. Now I'm going to go for the royal wave this year, ya know, go slow and wave in a dignified, pretentious sort of way. But for you first timers I would recommend a quick dash. Hey, if you're lucky they might not even know who you are."

"Ha ha, nice try Jim, notice something different about some of us?"

Eya indicated P'Grell, Gaila, and herself.

"Ah, yes, of course there's that. …But cheer up, P'Grell's giant wiener is going to divert a good bit of the attention." there was a bright side to everything.

"How the heck do you know…" P'Grell gave Gaila an accusing look.

"No point getting upset about that now, within a few minutes half of Starfleet is going to know just exactly what is going on in all our pants." Kirk bestowed his most reassuring smile. Chekov moaned in distress:

"Vhy do ve haf to do this, it isn't logical?"

"Newton's teeth, Pavel, you sound just like the Commander." Eya, you had to love her for that, actually laughed. There was no doubt in anyone's mind who she was talking about.

"Can we go now?" Gaila had the look of an exited five-year-old anticipating candy about her.

"Come on, I trimmed my pubes into the Starfleet insignia especially, let's go, let's go, let's go!" She was now hopping on the spot, making the red curls bounce around her face. Kirk reached out and pulled her to his side again.

"You can come with me, we'll go nice and slow, enjoy the moment." He wanted to get a good look at those bouncing puppies again, and the insignia thing sounded intriguing. Maybe if he was lucky she'd do some stretches and stuff. 'Bend right down and…

_Warts, giant hairy warts – pimples – his mum in that hideous blue dress – old, hairy, sweaty men,… damn it Jim, you can't run out there with a boner. _

"So, Ling, Greenberg, and Beaumenier are at the other side of the lawn with some spare clothes. Bones here will look after the ones we're wearing now. …Maybe you'll give him a hand with that, Noyota, sweetie?" He was all business and joviality to get his mind off Gaila's bush. Uhura helped somewhat by slapping him on the arm.

"I'm not getting involved in this. And I never gave you permission to use that name." with that she turned on her heel rather forcefully and strode into the linguistics department.

"How do you live with that?' he turned to Aureya. She merely shrugged:

"She's a bit uptight, but I like her. She means well, you know, we really are going to be in trouble for this."

"All the more reason to enjoy it… Well, no time like the present."

Earning him first some perplexed looks, then outright stares and giggles, from the smattering of cadets outside the building, Jim began to remove his clothes. With only a minimal amount of grumbling, the others followed his lead.

Turned out, Newman was a lot curvier than he had given her credit for, nice little ass and tits just big enough to fill a hand, and here was a little surprise, her nipples were actually pink, who would have guessed? Gaila noticed him checking Eya out and thrust her far more substantial chest forward. Oh well, there just was no comparison.

_Black nipples, mmmmmm. _

That was the moment his roaming eyes quite accidentally landed on the 'giant blue offending object'.

_Holy shit, how the hell does P'Grell even walk?_

Both his team-mates followed his astonished glance. Aureya's expression was so stereotypically innocent, he almost burst out laughing. It started with shock, then turned to wonderment and finally into what he knew was pure Eya, as she was probably calculating P'Grell's circumference. Chekov turned almost the same shade of green as her, even though Jim noticed that he didn't really have anything to worry about…skinny as hell? Yes, tiny? Not so much. And the kid was only sixteen, plenty of time to fill out. Chekov, despite the sick colour of his skin, had abandoned hiding behind Eya, and now that they were actually naked, was returning the favour by being a gentleman and positioning himself right in front of her.

"Let's get this over and done with." P'Grell announced as he took off at a slow jog. Just as well, he'd blind everyone with that blue monster of his, if he went first.

So, this was it. Out into the open, for all the student body and staff to see.

P'Grell and his guys were in the front, then Gaila and himself, with Chekov and Aureya bringing up the rear. He'd meant to go slow, but the general screeching and laughter that greeted them fuelled his adrenalin to the point where he could not keep his legs in check. Never mind all the big talk he'd let loose earlier, he held his eyes firmly glued to the spot at the other side of the mess hall where Ling, Greenberg, and Beaumenier were waiting for them. He completely forgot to keep a close eye on his immediate surroundings and practically rammed a small figure right in front of him. A small Ferengi male in official attire stared up at him with an expression that very much neared disgust. He only now noticed that everyone in his group had come to a stop and that there was no screaming or giggling to be heard. Looking behind the Ferengi he noticed that he was part of a group of about seven; and they were not alone.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Captain Pike's face had turned a rather worrying shade of puce. Kirk was unable to respond as he realised that Pike was quite possibly not the worst of his problems. Striding to the front of the small group, expression stony but still managing to convey a certain pissed-off quality, was Commander Spock. His eyes, however, were firmly placed at the back of their little naked expedition party, where Eya tried as hard as she could to keep Chekov in front of all her bits.

_Was he checking her out? _

The Vulcan's eyes snapped to his as if he had been able to read his thoughts, then skimmed the entire group.

"Retrieve your clothes and follow Captain Pike and me to my office, immediately."

_Oh crap, they really were in trouble this time._

**Any chance of R&R? (Just wondering)**


End file.
